Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
