Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just tell him i said nine months
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
