idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
