please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
