we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
