My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
