the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
