you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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