It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
