a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
