Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
