Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
