note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
