If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
