My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
