I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
