I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
