My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
