What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
