i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
