so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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