Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
