So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
