wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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