She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
