I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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