when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
