Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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