if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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