Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who died my cat blue again?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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