Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
