If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
