hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
