It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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