I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
