drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
