My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
