So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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