absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
