I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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