If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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