dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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