rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
