he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
