I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
