Screwed.edu
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
