my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
