this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
