Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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