she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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