I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
